Sometimes we hear or read a message in our bereavement and immediately understand as the message ‘clicks’ within us. At other times we hear or read the same message and it goes in one ear and out the other. There are two major reasons we are, at times, able to grasp a message during grief while at other times aren’t able to internalize its wisdom.

The first reason has to do with timing. At a particular moment in time the content of a message won’t be appropriate for your growth through grief and your unconscious protects and prevents you from hearing it. Conversely, at the right time, the message will be exactly what you need to hear and you will immediately let it in and begin to apply the information to your life. It will be like an emotional hunger satisfied with healthy food.

The second reason is about the language and flavor of the message. This has to do with the vocabulary chosen by the author of a message and how he/she uses the words to communicate. We all have a preferred manner of using words in talking, writing and also in listening.

When the style of a written message is more similar to the reader’s style of listening, then the possibility for understanding and internalization is higher. So the words being used and the style of the writing in a message of bereavement support (or any kind of message) can influence whether or not and how much you open up to the message.

I always send (and re-send) the message to grievers about tears and the healing importance of allowing yourself to cry. I offer it again, now, from different authors with their unique word choices and style of writing. This message is part of a meditation-of-the-day service offered by a wonderful and thoughtful Native American site, White Bison, and used with permission.

Elder’s Meditation of the Day - September 30, 2007

“Grandfather, if I need to cry, let me realize it’s a natural process and help me to let go.”

It is OK, necessary and sometimes scary for both men and women to cry during grief. I encourage your courage and the tearful expression of your sorrow.

Sincerely sending you Peace, Love & Creativity,

Tricia

Someone you love has died or you probably wouldn’t be here right now on this page in the Loving Farewells blog.

I know these are difficult times for you. It can be very hard to survive the days and nights of grief when you feel weakened, un-done, and so un-grounded or off-kilter. It’s hard to function when your heart is broken and you are in emotional and, possibly, even physical pain.

You may not be feeling quite yourself right now and the world around you may not look or feel the same as it did before your loved one died. Perhaps you are having trouble concentrating, remembering and focusing. You may not trust yourself too much right now either. Perhaps you have acted in ways that are different for you. Maybe you have thought or said some things that have surprised or even shocked you.

Grief is a process that will continue to unfold in your life for awhile. The experience of grieving for a loved one is common to all of us. But the specifics of your grief will be unique to you. No two people have ever grieved in the same way. So it won’t work too well if you try to model your grief like you have seen other people grieve.

You will discover how to meet and experience your grief in a way that suits you. This will happen even though right now you might not be able to imagine how you can face the rest of your life. Being patient, trusting and having faith are attitudes that will help you.

Death is shocking to everyone – including you. You are in a period of life’s transition and although you know when it began you probably have not a clue as to when it might end. You might even have a fear the pain in your life might not ever end.

Here is a message of hope: You will begin to feel better, eventually, in the days ahead of you. Taking life a day at a time now will be helpful.

If you are hopeless about your future, you are feeling a natural reaction in grief. If you are feeling afraid about grieving or about the rest of your life, let me encourage you. As a griever you deserve help and support – this is a tender and important time in your life. I congratulate you for seeking support on the Internet. I’m glad that, in the midst of the many many choices the Internet offers, you found Loving Farewells. Information is here to support, encourage and educate you.

Here is a second message of hope for you: You can do this, you can survive, and you can also thrive. I know you can.

I am sorry for your loss. I am sorry you are hurting. Take good care of yourself, be brave and re-visit the Loving Farewells blog often.

Sincerely sending you Peace & Love,

Tricia