A lovely woman, whose husband had passed away four months earlier, told me what she needed most was the strength to stop breaking down and crying in public. She said that something would trigger her grief and, no matter where she was, she would dissolve into tears.

Even the most truly confident and self assured of us wonder, at times, if we are being judged for our actions and behaviors. Since grievers are likely, at times, to not feel self assured and confident, it can seem a disaster to cry in public.

Sadness and tears, for many people, are private, intimate and not to be shared with strangers. Some of us believe crying is a sign of weakness and appearing weak/vulnerable in a public spot isn’t a good idea.

Crying in a public place can be embarrassing and bring up feelings of shame and fear. The fear is about being judged weak and/or overly dramatic. We could be afraid that someone will approach us, offer help and then we would feel ashamed. Or perhaps the fear is that we will lose control, not be able to stop crying and not be able to get ourselves home.

This widow used the expression; ‘break down’ and cry. The internal message I believe we give ourselves when we use this expression is that we are doing something wrong – that the natural response of tears to sadness is wrong.

Of course this isn’t a message I would ever want to give a griever or want them to give themselves. I suggested she change the expression to ‘open up’ and cry. Tears of grief and the sadness they represent need to be expressed and released from inside the body, heart and soul. Then there will be space for healing in the body, heart and soul.

The strength for this lovely widow and other grievers lies in allowing tears to flow, even in public. It also lies in recognizing the beauty inherent in honest unhindered expressions of emotion.

Sincerely sending you Peace, Love & Creativity,

Tricia

There is encouraging information in my Guide To Grief Recovery: How To Survive and Thrive about the power of the human instinct to survive dangers and difficulties in life. To be a survivor in grief you must tap into your inner resources.

Your own creativity is one of the resources you can rely on to help in your grief process. When you experience creativity you touch, within, a place located between your heart and your soul. This is a sacred spot where you can rest, rejuvenate and continue healing. Creativity and grief recovery have a strong relationship.

Every person, including you, is a creative being. Creativity is part of being human and is about:

Beauty, Imagination, Intellectual Inventiveness, Spontanaity, and Relaxation.

In your experience of grief so far you may not have been able to notice the beauty around you, like the sun sparkling in a puddle of rain or the sparkle in the eyes of someone you meet.

Your imagination might be limited, right now, to trying to picture life without your loved one. Your mind and thinking process might still be fuzzy and you may not have the extra energy to be spontaneous.

True relaxation might be eluding you. When you are worried, afraid, or angry it can be hard to relax since these states usually produce tension in your body. Yet, peacefully relaxing while feeling the beauty around you might feel very good right now (even if only for a few moments) and positively affect your grief work.

Engaging your creativity will automatically and easily stimulate you in a positive way. While experiencing your creativity you may pick up some extra energy.

Being creative is not limited to those of us who are artists, musicians, or poets. We all have many opportunities daily to experience our creativity. Engaging your creative self is natural and can happen simply and easily. I will suggest a few ways for you, or you may have ideas of your own. I encourage you not to be intimidated. Be courageous and try something new.

These two activities will include your creative self:

* If you are going to the post office to purchase stamps, ask to see all the available choices. Spend a moment (don’t worry about people in line behind you) really looking at the different stamps. Tune into and enjoy the various designs, sizes, shapes, and colors. Get the ones you think have the most beauty.

* When you are outside in nature look closely at the leaves on trees and bushes. Notice the different colors. See the different shades of green, red, orange, yellow and etc. Pay attention to the different textures and shapes/sizes. How does the sunlight affect the colors? Is the shadow of the leaf the same shape as the leaf itself? Allow yourself to enjoy the natural beauty you are experiencing.

These are simple creative activities that won’t require much of your time or energy and can be helpful. Your creativity is a path to the states of mind that are supportive and healing in grief.

Sincerely sending you Peace, Love & Creativity,

Tricia