Last week the aunt of a dear friend passed away. Although I never had the privilege of meeting her, I had been hearing about titi Zaida for the last few years. She was suffering from Alzheimer’s disease, a fact that caused much sadness for her family. Zaida’s devoted husband, Ruben, lovingly cared for her as she slowly and surely parted from him emotionally.

In the final six months of her life three of her nieces, Wila, Becky and Ana, began providing her personal care. Their loving care gave Ruben needed respite and allowed him more opportunity to just be with his beloved wife.

The three nieces felt blessed and honored to care for their aunt and, of course, their relationship with her deepened. They were with her at the moment of death.

In her grief, niece Ana, wrote a poem to honor titi Zaida. With much emotion in her heart and voice she read the poem during the funeral Mass. With permission, Zaida’s poem by Ana Puig is shared with you here:

In Morpheus’ arms you dozed
Your eyes sleepy and cloudy
Said farewell to life bit by bit
And we, keeping watch upon your breaths,
Tired and sad, remembered…
“Reinita” deep in the country, little morning star
Inspiration of my dreams, model of my education
You were bridge, path, refuge, water, nourishment, and dwelling
Bearer of colors, brush strokes of hope
Enterprising artist soul, kind, tender, wise…
How do you say goodbye to a woman like Zaida…?
You left us bit by bit, in sighs and daydreams
The vacant space you left, only your light can fill
That little moonbeam your smile spilled
In the vigil of love this past week
Sleep mocked me by night and at the dawn
In the shadows and the silence, as you ebbed away
The footprints of your memory danced in my remembrance
We give thanks to God for having known you
With your generosity you conquered our souls
The memory of your love shelters us and hugs us from the heavens you now walk…
What else can I tell you my blood hasn’t already…?
That I love you that I miss you that my heart breaks…?
That I hope to see you again when my hour comes
That my God blesses you; that your soul rest in peace…

Both Ana and I hope this poem brings you comfort as you grieve for your loved one. We also hope it inspires you to express your feelings of grief and loss in a poem.

You are not a poet you say? You are not a writer you say?

I say, you are a human being with a broken heart and right now you have strong feelings.

Begin by putting pen or pencil to paper and writing a few words that describe your feelings of loss. Then write a few words describing your loved one’s life (or their death). Write down some of your favorite words next. Then you might want to organize all these words into a paragraph or letter to your loved one (or another person in your life). You might next be inspired to write a story describing an event in life with your loved one.

Perhaps now you take a line or two from here and there in your writings and place each on a line of its own.

You have written a poem! How do you feel? You have connected with your creativity and I am so proud of you!

Do not worry about spelling, punctuation, grammar, style or your assessment of the quality of your writings and your poem. You have written from your heart expressing feelings and sorrow (professional writers tell us writing from the heart is the most important part).

Sharing your poem with others isn’t necessary and wasn’t the point of my encouragement for you to compose it. But if you decide to share your poem, will you share it here in the Comments for this post? I say, please and thank you.

Sincerely sending you Peace, Love & Creativity,

Tricia

PS Ana’s Zaida-Poem was originally composed in Spanish. You can access the original Spanish version here.

Sometimes we hear or read a message in our bereavement and immediately understand as the message ‘clicks’ within us. At other times we hear or read the same message and it goes in one ear and out the other. There are two major reasons we are, at times, able to grasp a message during grief while at other times aren’t able to internalize its wisdom.

The first reason has to do with timing. At a particular moment in time the content of a message won’t be appropriate for your growth through grief and your unconscious protects and prevents you from hearing it. Conversely, at the right time, the message will be exactly what you need to hear and you will immediately let it in and begin to apply the information to your life. It will be like an emotional hunger satisfied with healthy food.

The second reason is about the language and flavor of the message. This has to do with the vocabulary chosen by the author of a message and how he/she uses the words to communicate. We all have a preferred manner of using words in talking, writing and also in listening.

When the style of a written message is more similar to the reader’s style of listening, then the possibility for understanding and internalization is higher. So the words being used and the style of the writing in a message of bereavement support (or any kind of message) can influence whether or not and how much you open up to the message.

I always send (and re-send) the message to grievers about tears and the healing importance of allowing yourself to cry. I offer it again, now, from different authors with their unique word choices and style of writing. This message is part of a meditation-of-the-day service offered by a wonderful and thoughtful Native American site, White Bison, and used with permission.

Elder’s Meditation of the Day - September 30, 2007

“Grandfather, if I need to cry, let me realize it’s a natural process and help me to let go.”

It is OK, necessary and sometimes scary for both men and women to cry during grief. I encourage your courage and the tearful expression of your sorrow.

Sincerely sending you Peace, Love & Creativity,

Tricia

A True Pearl:
You will probably make new friends during your process of grief. Be open to this.

Having a new friend brings good and positive energy into your life.

The thought of having a new friend may seem much too tiring right now. You may not be sleeping as well as usual and are exhausted both physically and emotionally. You may feel you don’t even have enough energy for yourself, your family and the friends you currently have.

I encourage you to remember a time in the past when you found a new friend. Do you remember the fun and excitement of having this new friend? A new friend brings new energy into your life, can raise self-confidence and warm your heart with smiles and joy.

You may meet a new friend in a grief support group. Grief group members share a common (yet personally unique) pain and challenge in life. Through the honest emotional group sharing, people get to know one another more quickly and in more depth than happens outside of grief. Such friendships are special gifts.

Or your new friend might be:

* someone you encountered at the bookstore in the grief support, spiritual or self-help section
* the delivery person who brought flowers to you and your family
* the mail carrier delivering the many condolence cards
* someone from your school or job you never noticed before but who also experienced a loss
* a member of the church choir singing at your loved one’s funeral service
* a friend or associate of your loved one whom you had not met before
* a neighbor bringing food for you and your family

Remember death changes you. You may now attract different and new types of people. The experience of death and grief changes you by broadening your thoughts, giving you new ideas about the world and re-arranging your priorities. Friends are excellent mirrors for one another as they each grow and change.

Be open to the possibility of gaining a new friend.

Sincerely sending you Peace, Love & Creativity,
Tricia